QUIZ: What Kind of Audience Member Are You?

1. I go to concerts so that I can:

A. Listen to my favorite musicians perform live
B. Hear new music and be inspired
C. Get a buzz off the energy of everyone enjoying the same music at the same time
D. Sing along loudly with every song to show everyone that I know all the lyrics and have awesome rock chops, too

2. When I am at the movies:

A. I like to be able to hear all of the dialogue and appreciate the cinematography
B. I enjoy snacking but am careful to open wrappers quietly and not eat or drink too noisily
C. I make sure that I am not kicking the seat in front of me
D. I take cell phone calls, put my feet up, talk to my buddy about the shortie I did last night, and yell back at the screen as if the actors are talking directly to me

3. When I am at a play that is not very good, I:

A. Wait for intermission and then I leave
B. Bide my time by reading the Playbill
C. Try to find something to appreciate, such as the set or costumes
D. Lean over to my date and say, "Yo, this is retarded!", laugh uncontrollably, and walk out in the middle of a scene

4. I just won 2 tickets to the opera. I think I will wear:

A. A dark-colored suit
B. My blue velvet dress
C. The blouse and nice pants that I wore to work
D. Jeans and a hoodie -- like, duh?

Answers:
If you answered "D" to any of these, then I am sorry to have to tell you that you suck and everyone wants to hit you. When you attend a performance, be it on stage or screen, remember the following:

Leave the art to the artists. No one in the room paid $100 a ticket to listen to you. And no matter how much attention you call to yourself, you are not going to be "discovered" and become "the next big thing."
Respect your fellow audience members. Most people go to a performance because they are interested in or curious about the material being presented. Please respect the fact that there are people among you who want to escape in the art, hone their own craft by watching others perform, or simply want to relax and enjoy a performance without being disturbed.
Respect the artists. Even if a performance is not at all enjoyable, the people giving it probably worked very hard to get to where they are now. If you can't respect them, at least give them your sympathy. But do not interrupt the show to "make a statement" -- the cast will get all the statement they need from The New York Times review the next day.
Respect yourself. Not everyone is, or can afford to be, a patron of the arts. But when you have the opportunity to attend something "high brow," respect the grand tradition and dress up a little. You do not have to wear a tuxedo or a ballgown, but at least put on a decent pair of pants and shoes. It's so very disappointing to be in a beautiful opera house and see people wearing jeans and sneakers; it destroys the fantasy of a glamorous night out. Save that stuff for the movies.