The Spreading of the Legs

Folks, we need to talk about something a tad sensitive: spreading one's legs in public. In the past year it seems to have become the go-to ploy of certain female celebrities hoping to spark a little publicity. But I'm fairly certain, Ms. Lindsay Lohan, that a salacious view up your skirt is not going to inspire anyone of any clout in the film industry to hand you that "real actor" role you've been craving. I'm sure that it will inspire plenty of people in a different kind of film industry, however.

Why do I abhor leg spreading so? I have my reasons -- for men and women. Here they are:

For the Men:
Guys, your leg spreadage is particularly bothersome in shared spaces, such as public transportation, movie theaters, etc. Are you trying to establish some sort of eminent domain or squatter's rights? Spreading your legs out doesn't entitle you to maintain that position for the duration of the ride, movie, or what have you. If room needs to be made for others, then them legs of yours will just have to accommodate. I'm sorry, but I don't buy into your theory about needing to "breathe" or "give the big guy some room," only because I've seen plenty of men sit normally. It can be done. Unless you recently had urologic-related surgery or have "elephantitis of the balls" (thank you, John Bender from The Breakfast Club), male leg spreadage does not appear to be a mandatory biological need. If your goal is to impress others with the sheer girth of your manhood, well, I'm again sorry to say that most of the time we just don't see anything particularly special down there. Maybe wear tighter pants?

For the Women:
Ladies (if you indeed aspire to be), your leg-spreading has consequences more serious than taking up extra room in public. In your case, I am concerned with women's own growing lack of respect for the female body. Until recently, a woman's private parts were indeed private; in fact, they were regarded as a sanctum sanctorum. (Wikipedia has a tidy little entry on this term if you have no idea what it means.) Nowadays, however, they're common fodder for gossip sites and magazines, to the point where people freely criticize women's personal grooming proclivities and the aesthetic after-effects of giving birth. Women, if you see nothing wrong with this then you need a reality check. Why would you allow your (and your sisters') most private anatomy to be put on display and potentially ridiculed? Our parts have the capacity to bring forth other human beings. Can't you see the sacredness in that? Gain some self-respect, take back your bodies, wear underwear, and for God's sake, sit like a lady!