I Say Chivalry; You Say, "Huh??"

Not that I imagine anyone's been waiting for an explanation, but I've been quiet with the blog lately because I simply haven't felt the rage that has inspired earlier postings. This is a good thing. This means that writing about my issues has been successful therapy. Although it's not as viscerally fulfilling as the Punch-an-Asshole-In-The-Face Fantasy Camp idea that I'm not quite ready to abandon, it's been doing the trick. My socially related anger has been managed nicely. However, something is starting to well up again and it's time to talk about it like adults. I will use my indoor voice…for now.

The issue at hand is chivalry. I'm fairly certain that this would not be so much of a big deal if I did not live in New York City (as evidenced by my travel to other locales), so I'm going to give society the benefit of the doubt and assume that this problem is, to some extent, the byproduct of too many people and not enough space or resources (ie, a competitive environment). It doesn't mean that I'm not spittin' mad, though.

Let's define "chivalry" before we get into it. Webster's provides several possibilities:
1: mounted men-at-arms; 2: martial valor, knightly skill; 3: gallant or distinguished gentlemen; 4: the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood; 5: the qualities of the ideal knight: chivalrous conduct (with "chivalrous" being defined further as 1: valiant; 2: of, relating to, or characteristic of chivalry and knight-errantry; 3: a: marked by honor, generosity, and courtesy; b: marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women.)

The chivalry that I'm talking about is definition 5.3 a and b: "marked by honor, generosity, and courtesy; marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women."

You will still find many men today for whom this is a fitting descriptor. These are the men who hold the door for you, who give you a seat on the subway whether you're pregnant or not, who hold an umbrella over your head during a rainstorm, who take a bag out of your overburdened arms, and who steer you away from steaming piles of dog poop on the sidewalk. These are the men I find warm, charming, and sexy -- the kind of men I'd describe as "keepers."

But then there are the men who will practically mow you down in a crowded hallway, who don't hold the elevator door for you, who run into the subway car like prancing wussies to grab the last seat, and who step in front of you at the bar even though you were next in line to order. I like to think of these men as throbbing pimples on the sweaty ass of humanity.

And do you know who created these types of men? Women.

All of you women out there who think it's an insult to have the door held open for you, who have said to some well-meaning guy, "I can do it myself, thank you" with a sneer on your face, who refuse to thank a man when he gives you his seat on the bus… You have ruined it for the rest of us. You destroyed chivalry.

Chivalry was never meant to demean women; instead, it was a code of honor that put women on a pedestal, acknowledging women as good, fair, and worthy of respect simply by virtue of being women and possessing the power to bring forth new life. But all of you out there who wanted "equal treatment" interpreted this as men thinking of us as weak or seeing us only as "babymakers." So you fought for your right to hold your own damn door. And in the effort to show that you were just the same as a man, some of you also did your very best to erase the notion of us being "good, fair, and worthy of respect."

Well, you did a good job, because every day I see men treating women like garbage. In fact, more often I see women giving up their subway seats to those who are pregnant, elderly, or injured while the men just sit there with their legs spread open. You demanded equal treatment because you wanted respect. Tell me how respected you'll feel next time some guy steals the cab that you waited for for 20 minutes in the rain.